It’s not that I didn’t try, I did. But I could only secure
73.25 percent in my SLC exams, while my friends secured distinction. There were
others too, who didn’t even get first division. Now today that I think of them,
I can’t even imagine how they are managing their life.
I don’t know how I knew it. But I knew that I should not
study Science. It would have been a real struggle for me. So, I didn’t. Instead
I went for Commerce, as I was somewhat comfortable with my math and accounting.
My guardians also told me that Commerce would be best for me. I did too at the
moment. But nobody could guess then that I might not even pass in Commerce. You
see I always took learning to mean getting more knowledge and understanding the
concepts within. Back then I didn’t know, getting passed in a subject actually
meant showing what you learnt during a whole year in just 3 hours.
I’m not complaining here. I know that in lack of a better
system of examination, the current system is what we have, and we will have to
make do with it.
Anyhow, I passed out my college. But I couldn’t pass my
bachelor’s degree. There I failed. I did manage to pass all my practical papers
but the theory papers were different story. I don’t know if I never learned
anything, or just that I never got, what actually, if not what I read in my
classes, to put in those theory subjects’ exams. I could never pass those
theory subjects.
But fortunately I would say, due to my not so strong
financial backgrounds, my routine was not only limited to the college hours. I
had to make some money too.
I still remember the time when I had to search a job for the
first time. I don’t know how other countries fair in this, but in my country,
believe me, searching a job in the start of your career is like searching gems
in a riverbank. But my sister helped me out there.
I got a job for $50 a month. No, I am not bluffing here. And
this wasn’t so far back too, I guess this was during 2010/11, I don’t know. And
I did the job. I am not bragging here, but my employer was very happy with me.
I had to work with a software there, which I never used before. And in just
over a week, I managed to understand the software more than my employer
himself. And after that, he started to come to me if he had any doubt. He even
gave me extra 50% bonus over my salary during the holiday seasons that just
happened to occur at that exact time. So, in 2 months, I managed to earn 3
months’ salary. But at the lapse of 2 months, when I asked my employer to raise
my salary a bit, he didn’t agree. Maybe he was not happy enough after all. The
office was some 25 kilometers away from my residence, and to attend the office
punctually, I had to leave directly from my morning classes without getting to
return to home for lunch. So, the salary I was getting wasn’t enough to cover
for the bus fare and lunch outside. I had to leave the job, and so I did.
By now, I had quite some reputation in my class, as a very
bright student. But my brightness was limited. I was bright in only practical
subjects. Math, Accounting and Logic were my best hits. The reputation came in
handy, when a fellow student introduced me to his elder brother, who worked as
a local tax consultant. He hired me with great promises. Allured by the
promises I gave him my best efforts and worked as bookkeeper in his firm. From
9 to 6, I used to sit in front of a computer and work. To prove that I am
worthy of the job, I even used to take some work home with me and work until I
slept. But, in just one month I had to leave the job. Actually what happened was,
it was the season for filing tax returns. And I volunteered to work hard during
the heavy work load only to be told that they don’t have any more jobs for me
to pay me. I didn’t even get paid what was promised. By now I had a pretty good
idea of accounting and bookkeeping.
Similarly, I worked in some other places too, none of where
I felt my hard work properly evaluated.
Making the long story short, I borrowed some money from my
sister to go study Chartered Accountancy in India. As it happened I failed
twice in the 2nd intermediate level. So, now I had to be financially
strong to support my education. So, I returned to Nepal to find the most worthy
employer of my entire life.
This time, I got a very generous and understanding employer.
He used to value my work rather than my punctuation and other irrelevant
things. Just give me the work and take the money you deserve, he used to say.
His was a bookkeeping and taxation consultancy firm with not much work load. So
despite how much I liked it there, I had to look for somewhere else where there
would be more work load, so that I could get paid more.
And with the hope of getting the right market and more work
load, I came to Kathmandu, our capital city.
I guess you know the rest of the story (which is not a happily
ever-after one).
You ask me why I told you all this? You will tell me that
other people have more pressing issues than this, and I should be content with
what I have. Then please read on.
You see I wasn’t explaining my sorrows to you, no. I was
just asking a question. If you didn’t see any question marks in the lines
above, you should probably try to improve your English. Because in each line
and everything I’ve stated yet, lies a question.
Where did I miss? What did I do wrong?
In my classes I was focused on learning something, rather
than passing out the exams. So, if our education system don’t recognize my
skills, where is my fault in that? But alas, these are the questions that I
will never get answered. The ones who are willing to answer these questions are
not in the position to answer them, just like me. And the ones who are in the
position to answer them are content with the system, so they are not willing to
answer the questions. So, I know I will not get my questions answered. But even
though I will not stop asking.
Who is going to pay for my bills for me, if not myself? Am I
so unworthy for failing my exams, that now I will not even get to live a decent
life? Is the society so humane, as it claims, when the more capable people believe
that it is their right to live a more content life than the ones not so capable
like them? Have our society moved even an inch from the time when the more
powerful people used their arms to extort people weaker than themselves? If a
first division student thinks that he should lead a more luxurious life than a
second division student, then how can we look back in history and claim that we
have become more civilized and humane than we were a thousand years ago?
I know a lot of you will just ignore my questions claiming
that even asking such questions is lame. But I know these questions are very
authentic, because I raised them myself. Some of you will even refrain from
reading even first paragraph completely, claiming this article is boring. Well,
I wasn’t trying to entertain you.
For those of you who actually read the whole thing, and also
aren’t too narrow minded to see the alternative approach of morality that I’m
showing you here, I want to ask you, which category do you fall in? The one
willing to change but not capable of, or the one capable to change but not
willing to. Or is there a third category too, where people both willing and
capable of change fall under?
I envy the ones more able than me and pity the ones less
able than myself, I guess that’s just human nature!
